The monsters looked like us the whole time.

When it's our idols perpetrating the gendered violence, perhaps it's time to think about who and how we idolise.

Trigger warning: This article includes references to gendered violence and SV.

This ranticle was inspired by the ongoing discussions of gendered violence and sexual violence. More than that though, it is brought on by a discussion I heard about abusers having been role models.

If you, like me, live in Australia you will have heard this week about the Sydney Swans' five players who have been stood down for the remainder of the AFL season amidst an investigation into a sexual assault. I don't follow the AFL, I've never cared too much about it and while I'm glad the boys can have their fun playing kick ball and people enjoy it, it's just never been the sport for me. The reality in Australia is that kids grow up idolising players in this league, they always have and always will, football is one of our national pasttimes. The discussion today which sparked my desire to write this reflection on the state of the world was about young children whose heroes will be missing the rest of the season... "but Mumma, why isn't player x playing in today's game? He's my favourite." It's a fair question for a kiddo to ask and the discussion centred around how you discuss the idea that little Billy's football idol is a sexual predator. How do parents explain it? At what age does this conversation become reasonable?

It made me think about cautionary tales, about the way many of them have been romanticised in more recent years, and the fact that we put people on pedestals at the risk that they, like the antagonists of our cautionary tales could well be the monsters we fear.

The stars we raise on high and the potential of their falls.

What are you passionate about? I wager that if it is large enough of an endeavour and you have been following it for long enough, you have had an idol brought down by their actions. I've written a previous ranticle about the way society allows certain predators, certain bad actors, and certain wicked people carry on with their lives. I wrote about people's who in some instances have had bigger careers following convictions than they had enjoyed before. This is about those whose fall may well be final, the ones who, rightfully, will be left behind.

In my years on earth, I've seen a few heroes in fields I follow experience a fall from grace. Bigoted views, child abuse, and sexual abuse have been brought into the light, with varying levels of consequence to the abusers or bigots involved. I wager you've seen the same in the arenas you observe, whether it be sporting idols or musical heroes. We know the monsters, they create music we love, write stories we adore, or play sport at high levels.

So how do we level the fact that these people could well be monsters? Do we not elevate people to Icarusian heights, holding them up to the sun whose heat may melt the wax of their facades? Do we distance ourself from all "celebrity", treat all as potential monsters and live a life on edge? The more my daily life makes me fear for the safety of those around me more likely to be on the receiving end of the abuse I'm talking about, the more I could understand wanting to hide from the world.

The cautionary tale: Monsters are amongst us, and they look like you and I.

This came to mind while listening to discussion about footballers. The idea that we need to teach fear. I'm only an amateur teachologist, but as with many problems, I feel we as humans have story telling (the main thing I feel separates us from the beasts) to use as a means of solving problems. I also fear we more and more don't read, so when the writing is on the wall, it may be missed by most.

In the original story of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, there was no great physical change when Doctor became Mister. The evil desires of Hyde were not even unique to himself, they were the evil within the Doctor, who, in his physician state would not act upon it. Primal Fear, a somewhat Jekyll-Hyde retelling shows us this same thing, using a DID as a stand in for the transformation, yet just as there is no alternative personality in Primal Fear, there was no true difference between Jekyll and Hyde.

Werewolves weren't scary because they were hellhoundish dogs of doom, they were scary because any one of us could have been the beast. You're running from the monster, a friendly woman offers you safety in her home, there is a fire inside and the door is barred agaisnt the beast in the night, you let down your guard just to find out she was the very beast you feared..

Vampires—to varying extents—were beautiful beings capable of killing us, or more visibly vile monsters also capable of killing us. Perhaps they have been the most romanticised of the monsters of old, but they are not alone. These monsters, I believe, stuck with us as people because they serve the purpose of a cautionary tale.

I always found the scariest horror stories were not those about nightmarish horrors, they were the ones about the otherwise perfectly normal person. The knock on the door, or the ringing of the phone can illicit more fear than the roar of the beast.

"Stranger danger" has been touted through the ages, as has the idea of the hideous monster, or the beast whose wickedness is revealed in their ugliness. The reality we see, more and more, is that the monsters look like you and I. They might create art we love, or play sport in ways we admire, but they are known to us. It's as well known as it is gut wrenching that those most likely to hurt us, are those closest to us, it's our families and loved ones. The monsters hide amongst us, hidden not by the darkness, but by the light they share with everyone else.

I don't know if cautionary tales are what we need, though I see value in their lessons from an early age. The cautionary tales we cannot ignore, and the examples we must not fail to make, are those we see in the news. When those who have been placed in the spotlight are revealed to be monsters, we must not dim the light, we must not let them hide, we must see these monsters for who they are. There must be no obfuscation of their deeds because of their greatness in any field, whether they are a once idolised author, a sporting hero, or even the current president of the United States, we must see these people for who they are. We must hear and support their victims, and we must not shy away from the tough conversations. I wish I had solutions, I wish I had answers. I know that the least we need is accountability for people who commit acts of physical and/or sexual violence. I also fear however, that justice and the threat of reprisal or punishment will not make everyone safe. I fear that some of the monsters around us will never be muzzled. Hell, I live in one of the "safest" countries for women in the world, and we don't go a week without a domestic violence related death of a woman. For now, all I hope is that we never forget the dangers around us, but more I hope that the girls I teach can one day not have to worry about the monsters. That we one day won't need the cautionary tale. Until then, I fear for the people I love, the people I know, and all the rest. I fear what a society which can celebrate monsters will allow to happen to them.